Chaos

I could not write for the longest time.. I don’t understand it sometimes.. and I am sure when I write something like this most people are just shaking their heads but there is something in it.. there is something personal that has been bothering me. I just don’t know how to express it any other way. Enjoy!

 

Morals.. sins

Beliefs

Desires.

Humanity

Conflicting

Insanity

Liars!

 

Stains

Thoughts

Stance

Chance.

Graffiti

Art

Love

Carved

Into my heart.

We define our selves through independence.

 

Truth is deception if it’s not accepted

Absolutes are necessary to understand meaning.

Chaos is the mind of man.. constant waves of conflict

Eternal universes colliding in the infinite space of God’s urinal.

You are the speck not washed away

Chance that you may stay. To cling to life … to observe.. the intimate excretion of ethereal excrement. 

Coal

so I feel horribly behind on my 30 day challenge.. frankly, I failed. I will not stop trying for the rest of the month but life became a little much. I am coach for a track team at my school.. coach for my son’s baseball team and trying to maintain my classroom as my first year as a teacher… oh, and still foster a healthy relationship and raise my two boys… I am tired. so here is my latest poem.. it very much mirrors my state of mind right now… a little all over the place…..ENJOY!

 

 

I’m dragging …

Slipping…

gasping…

 

 

Waves, splashing, foaming.

Current.. pulling…

 

I’m dragging..

A magnet of shit…

 

I have raw lips… kissing you is not doing the trick.

 

I’m dragging…

 

As life goes on, I am Griswald’s dog tied to a destiny.

 

Snow flake tears are redundant

 

Diamonds are beautiful if you are patient…

 

Coal is the ancestor of beauty.

 

Words only mean what you want them to.

Poetry is losing….

Thought is losing…

 

Poetry is coal…

 

We are burning it… 

JOKE

I missed a day. I have fallen behind. It’s really hard to do this at the end of a school year when you are preparing for all these tests and you are trying to rebuild your life and make something of your self and allow your kids to feel normal. … *sigh* Ok, I am done whining. I owe you all two poems. Here is one! Between coaching track, and soon to be coaching baseball, I am burnt out. Poems seem to always fall to the side but I am going to persist. I will hit this deadline. … enjoy!

 

I’ve been waiting,

On Tuesdays.

It feels like,

You are operating.

A funny bone

A bone

I have been waiting,

Rhyming,

Skipping,

Meter,

Heater,

Hit her,

Love her,

Hate her,

 Heather,

Ledger,

Joker,

It,

it scared her.

It’s stuck in my heart

This joke, this funny bone,

This love,

this joke,

this clown,

this memory,

this choking,

this … this universal, peaceful, purposeful, eternal, eventual ending.

 

Damn it!

This is what I have been waiting for

This is what I wanted but fear..

Fear….

It’s a joke,

She’s a joke,

I’m a joke,

Because we see past the punch line

Where I leave her.

Believe her,

Be alive girl.

Live it.

Out live it!

Survive past your own destruction.

Heimlich,

I lick,

I love but  feel sick.

I leave,

Believe, that truth can be so much more then anything you can see

Don’t walk way from all these dreams

Because you feel it won’t succeed.

 

It’s a joke how much we want to rip apart out chests to bleed

Let me see

Open up your self to me

I want to walk in.

I want to see!

NaPoWriMo Day 9..Poem 9

I tire of it all

It just drags on and on

There is so much monotony

Mundane

Repetitive

Benign

Monotony.

I don’t want to keep a promise

I don’t want to fulfill my word

What value is there in this secret shadow,

This whisper in the ethereal?

 I just want to sleep

To rest my eyes

And heart.

To relieve a little pressure from the constant fluctuations of this maddening mind. 

American

Day 8… it’s really windy here.. not good for the allergies. It makes me tired and then downing some really sleepy allergy meds, well that just makes me loopy. Some how in all this it made me feel patriotic and irritated. Which seems to go hand in hand lately when I think of my Country; however, I still love it. …Enjoy!!

 

I’m an American.

You don’t control me!

You control the idea of what I allow,

The resemblance of passivity.

I’m an American and I am free.

Free to think,

To be,

To own,

To speak,

To express,

To conceal,

To be private and feel,

Whatever the hell I want to feel!

To marry,

To divorce,

To cuss,

Or worse!

 

It may look like I don’t care.

I may seem ambivalent and aloof.

It may appear that I don’t believe in anything..

But

I am an American and I was born without fear.

Tread on my freedom and you will quickly hear

How loud and aggressive to my beliefs I adhere

The Constitution my compass with which I steer

I will not allow my country to disappear

Through the negligence of sycophants

Donkeys or Elephants

They all make me sick of this

But still I am here

Till the day I die,

 I am American

I salute that flag with pride. 

 

This, is never easy

Well… I am earlier then normal. I may actually have more then five hours of sleep tonight. This is day 7.. poem 7. It is my attempt at humor (though not blatant) and heart ache at the same time… I like this concept of writing everyday but I don’t like posting everyday. Many of these poems are very rough and I feel need to be flushed out more but I promised myself 30 poems and I am attempting to write them all fresh everyday. It’s killing me! But I love it! ……Enjoy!

 

This you and me

It’s not much of anything.

I felt something more then this,

But this is vague,

And I am lonely.

 

I dreamed of more,

 now we are less.

I am walking alone

Still holding your promise

…

And it’s really heavy….

 

This, is so confusing.

Thought I understood,

But what do I know?

I was just a witness

Of my own capriciousness.

 

Looking back I saw truth;

I saw something worth remembering .

But truth is subjective…

And selective… and natural?… or

Am I mixing up my theories?

 

Either way, our this.

It wasn’t.

It isn’t.

It never was.

We simply played with the idea of love.

Or did love play with us?

Loving you

Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes life is worth living and writing about later. Yesterday was the latter. I had a great day with my family and so a fell a day behind on my poems for everyday of this month. This is poem 6 for day 6. Poem 7 will come later tonight and that will have caught me up….. enjoy!

 

 

That’s you,

A flower in bloom

Sitting on the patio,

Burning the blues

In high heel shoes.

Kicked back smiling

Like this ain’t the reason

We were made to be alive.

I love

Loving you.

 

That’s you.

A dreamer, a lover

Constant supporter.

A knower of words

That know how to sooth.

You are the retardant of my burning, discontent heart.

A cold in the hottest of days

A popsicle in Tucson, in May.

I love

Loving you. 

day 5.. this day is a little easier to write, I don’t have work to worry about tomorrow. I think this is a good one. It is more powerful the the last few, I am always afraid it will be read differently then I intended but that is the life of poet I suppose…. enjoy!

 

This is wrong!

What we did is wrong.

I don’t want to stop.

Secrets eat inside me.

This… us… it’s right, every where but where we are.

 

I’ve stumbled through this.

Teetering…

Fighting myself.

This is wrong! Or so they tell me.

I don’t want to stop.

 

Skin like milk, smooth and sweet

 

I know … I know what they say.

But this is too good.

This is what dreams are made from. This is what they write poetry about.

This anguish, this longing.. this melodious …. Passion.

 

Lips like feathers, soft and tender

 

What choice do I have?

I wait.. I linger. I become a fixture of life, witnessing yours.

Wishing .. dreaming… hoping.

But I understand because This is wrong.

We are wrong…

Yet, I can’t stop.

 

Eyes as wide as the moon, The Ocean sways in your gaze.

 

So many obstacles.

Nowhere to turn.

Distance is an enemy

Fortune so unkind.

I need to stop.

I need to walk away.

 

I need to walk away…

 

But I can’t.

Too much promise

Too much chance.

 

Dragons

here we are… day 4 I believe.. they are already starting to blur … this does not bode well for me… enjoy. 

 

Dreary

Drowning

Dragging

Dragons!

…

 

Singing,

Crying,

Running,

Laughing.

…

Desperate,

Dreaming,

Disregarded,

Dragons!

 

…

Dreary:               of expectations.              

Drowning:           in societies condemnation.

Dragging:            themselves through their day.

Dragons:             are who they are, in every way.

 

. . .

 

Singing:               in joy.

Crying:                 through loss.

Running:              for sport, and to get away.

Laughing:             with each other in solidarity.

 

. . .

 

Desperate:         children fighting for a future.

Dreaming:           of the possibilities education can afford them.

Disregarded:      by everyone not worthy of notice.

Dragons:              they are, in every way. They surpass expectations everyday.

 

Food Bombs!!

Day 3… poem 3…. as I grow increasingly busy with work, children and life… this truly becomes more difficult… and I am only on day 3!!! Besides that.. I feel the more tired I am the more bizarre and off-kilter these poems are becoming. … anyway.. enjoy!

Cartoon threats

From the region of unrest.

Sadness fuels

The engines of madness.

Sympathy for the oppressed

Enemies of the opulent west

But my poor are just as poor as your hungry.

 

Skin.. bones.. Wrenching contractions

Thin.. Alone.. World attractions

Money fighting money

Ignorant egos

Penis envy at an epic level

 

End the chaos with kindness..

Drop bread like bombs from the billion dollar birds

Feed the stomach

Change the heart!