It again has been a long time since I have written. I get caught in life and forget to live and just sort of go through the maze of days accepting the exhaustion. I finally found time to sit and write and feel and think and this is what happens
You are the latest way to forget myself
To look beyond this world, this perception of negativity.
You are the lens that bends, reconstitutes and makes right all the twisted and worthless ideas which have walked through my brain
You are the defibrillator that has jolted my heart to the realization I was dead.
You are the latest thing, person…NOUN
To reinvigorate this stale carcass, this banal beast of habitual repetition
That which has been down, drowned, sinking into that inevitable abyss of loneliness
But you are just a hope, a dream, an ideal.
Simply another that is at arm’s length and a hearts beat of manipulation away
I stand fighting my mind, my spirit, and soul…
None of which have a true understanding of the situation, no true conception, that emotions are deceptive and arrogant assholes that hold no regard to the outcome of their insistence.
I am fighting my being…
I don’t want to hurt.
However; in any instance that I turn, I face the inoperable decision that will lead me towards more of the same.
To stay alone is a pain like frostbite
To journey forward and leave myself open
To allow prying eyes to see that which has been guarded
Becomes harder and harder everyday that passes.