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Fighting

It again has been a long time since I have written. I get caught in life and forget to live and just sort of go through the maze of days accepting the exhaustion. I finally found time to sit and write and feel and think and this is what happens

Image

You are the latest way to forget myself

To look beyond this world, this perception of negativity.

You are the lens that bends, reconstitutes and makes right all the twisted and worthless ideas which have walked through my brain

You are the defibrillator that has jolted my heart to the realization I was dead.

You are the latest thing, person…NOUN

To reinvigorate this stale carcass, this banal beast of habitual repetition

That which has been down, drowned, sinking into that inevitable abyss of loneliness

 

But you are just a hope, a dream, an ideal.

Simply another that is at arm’s length and a hearts beat of manipulation away

 

I stand fighting my mind, my spirit, and soul…

None of which have a true understanding of the situation, no true conception, that emotions are deceptive and arrogant assholes that hold no regard to the outcome of their insistence.

 

I am fighting my being…

I don’t want to hurt.

However; in any instance that I turn, I face the inoperable decision that will lead me towards more of the same.

To stay alone is a pain like frostbite

To journey forward and leave myself open

To allow prying eyes to see that which has been guarded

Becomes harder and harder everyday that passes.

About ineffablemrjones

just a guy floating through the Universe on the breath of God.

6 responses to “Fighting

  1. Glad to see you back….excellent post. It’s so hard to remain vulnerable with people; it’s taking a risk, with parts of ourselves we don’t want to be hurt.

  2. Gosh this is so good. We can choose to be automatons, sometimes just because of inertia, by default. (I called it my Zombie time) . Or let ourselves be vulnerable. You’ve described that conflict so very well !!

  3. It’s funny, the last time I posted my short story ‘The Ineffable Mr.Andrews’ on one of my other blogs, I came across you. The coincidence was too precise for me to dismiss. I thought you might be my Mr.Jones whom I was just getting to know at the time, and was masquerading under a different blog moniker. I re-posted the same short story just two days ago, and I have now lost my Mr.Jones to the winds of change. With broken heart I find you again, the coincidence too precise to dismiss, the timing impeccable. Only to find you that you and I are sailing upon the same boat, upon the same ocean.
    I’m pleased to have met you again, and I hope that like me you find what you seek.

    Warmest regards,

    Maria

    • Very intriguing world we live in… All the more odd, I once considered naming myself the ambivalent Mr. Andrews

      • Yes it is. I knew this coincidence was too precise to be what appeared to be. Thank you for making me genuinely smile. Perhaps The Ambivalent Mr.Andrews will be the fourth and last story in the series?

  4. Another good piece filled with hidden meaning.

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