Christmas on the fourth of the July

Sometimes I really feel sorry for all of you that follow this blog. Especially after something like this. I just can’t form clear coherent thoughts lately and so I decided to unload anything. I sort of like it. We shall see if you guys do. It’s interesting to say the least. ENJOY!



Some where in my heart is a love. I can’t understand everything but it’s still a desire. I can’t love all the time nor can you. I try too often to be more then I am. It is my AMERICAN  dream to be what I feel I should be because I was told I could be anything! I am something. Something indefinable, unrecognizable.

I was told that God is always with me. God is always with you. You too? God, where is he? I was told so many things but now I am childish for expecting them to have been real. Where do are expectations take us? They are the dark matter of hope. Hope is bright and fluffy with a silver lining expectations are the same but they grow roots of bitterness if not achieved.  

This is Thursday in an early Monday mood. Time is non existent but it flies. Sometimes I a lie.

It’s a few days from celebration burnt crayons in the sky, sky bright sky light I look for ward to a time away from life. I wish all the things I meant to say would be said. In this one line here so you all understood and empathized….. Did you feel that?

Words are just a dancing of the heart … and I can’t dance.

It’s Wednesday… on a Saturday morning.. no cartoons. Just the modern excuse to not exercise… it’s too hot.. it’s dry.. it’s still hot!

Somewhere in my heart is a love for a girl that I once loved but no longer do in the way I did.

“She is pretty great though.”

The fear of life is overwhelming. The joy of family is swelling. There is never enough of what you need and always more then enough leftovers of the stuff with bad after taste.

This is life.


This is Christmas on the fourth of the July.

I have love in my heart for someone but I don’t know how to access it.

Love is a misnomer. I have a heart and I wish to share it but only in safe intervals.

This is Love.

“What’s up?”

I loved her more then anyone because she never acted like she cared all that much; yet, I know she did.

“I love you”

Irony. She is a Sunday afternoon on a Tuesday evening  and I am a Friday night and Saturday night rolled into an unemployed hypocrite begging for change outside of a Federal building or selling newspapers on street corners to drivers reading my paper on their phone.

I have up side but no trade value.

I have a heart to share. It’s Monday but I swear yesterday was Friday.  


19 thoughts on “Christmas on the fourth of the July”

  1. To be honest it hits very close to home. Good descriptions – “burnt crayons” – love the visual. Perhaps you can write her a letter with all those things you need to say.

  2. I know what you mean about incoherent…but totally comprehensible. It was beautiful…all that jumbled mish mash that I sometimes feel is there on the page. Some excellent lines. Thank you.

  3. Are you still in love or in love with all you wished would have happened? Send her this poem, it speaks truth. Does it not speak your heart? If she loves you, she will get it.

  4. These ramblings, it sounds like my mind in any given day. You’re a bit more eloquent at wording yours than I am of mine, so they stay locked up in my thought bubble.

  5. “I was told that God is always with me. God is always with you. You too?”

    Yes, but its a sine wave. God is always with, or always is you. But there are limits to how much current the present time-space node of self can take. And the dark cycle is purposeful, though clinging to it is not.

    “God, where is he?”

    Present now, were we more in the Presence, we would know. Or She, or it or That, or all of these. or one is good.

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