where I am..

It’s been a long time… hope this was worth the wait, if you were waiting at all…




I’ve been here before.

Where ever I am.

I was not alone like I am now.

I remember Eric – the weather –

Smoking and fear,

Life has lost it’s fear.


There used to be uniqueness to the days, a freshness and anticipation,

But lately there is just memories.

I’m dying…

Somewhere along the line I began

To die…

Some where, I became who I am

And I died..

Is it Winter? Why is it so hot?

I’m dying…

Conservation of me,

All of me?

I remember being here before, in this moment,

Sweating in the winter,

My flesh hungry

My soul screaming and my spirit dry.

Is it Winter?

Because I can’t wait for Spring Training, this is the year!


It’s the smell

Something is triggering me.

                I think it’s the smell

Something isn’t right. This is too familiar. I know these people.

                Pretty sure it’s the smell.

Can I avoid the same mistakes? You call this free will?

Can I evolve into something better? Is evolution always good? Does it always succeed?

                It smells odd in here

I like Vonnegut

Days like lavender languidly linger as little leafs floating in the Autumn breeze

 carrying the smell of broiled meats and baking pastries

                It is the smell

A slaughterhouse, maybe 5

They smell like Chicago

I miss home

                I think that’s the smell

                I smell Home.



13 thoughts on “where I am..”

  1. Always worth the wait! Love the line “Conservation of me”. It’s evocative for me…not sure why. Something about the preservation of the self, no matter what is going on around us?

  2. Don’t open with a statement as certain as “been here before” to contradict it with “wherever that is” unless you’ll follow that up and make a case for confusion.
    everything flip flops, which is fine, life does that, we do that, but ground a motherfucker in something first.
    Saying you’re dying and die die boo boo ha ha is hyperbole. Only use that for comedic effect. we could all use a laugh when we’re heartbroke, lost and terrified of our own shadow in front of us. there’s a trick to looking back without burning your eyes, but it’s different for everyone

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